Just a reflection......

I had the opportunity to have lunch with a dear friend of mine today and we were talking about birthdays.  She reminded me that she would be turning 30 this year!  This conversation reminded me of this past year in my own life.......the year that I turned 30.  I don't want to complain and say it's been a "bad" year, but it's most definitely been a "life-changing" year for me.  Of course last May when I turned 30 I was entering the second trimester of my pregnancy with Maddox, a pregnancy that was sure to be long and hot all the way until October.  And THAT it was.  I hated being pregnant and everyone around me knew it!  Especially my poor husband.  I don't know why it didn't affect me as much with my first 2 pregnancies but nonetheless, this one was the worst.   The fact that I had a then 4 and 2 year old at the time didn't help.  Every day was really a struggle to say the least.  I seriously thought I was sinking into a deep depression at times.  The next few months were not easy either.  A whole lot changed in my life and I was no where near where I needed to be with God.  Relationships ended and things that I thought would never change did.  There was a time in late July that I thought I didn't have one friend!  So here I was suppose to be embracing my new title as 30 and on the inside I was falling apart.  That is when I knew that something had to change.  It was time to go back to what I knew was the only thing that would make EVERYTHING better.  God.   I remember our Sunday school class starting a study on the book Love Dare, and Michael asking us to commit to reading the book every single day.  The book of course corresponds with scripture so it led me to dig into my bible and start renewing my relationship with God.  I realized that He had never left me......I had left Him.  What a revelation it was to realize this and come back running to Him for all the answers I needed for life's "new" problems.  It was then that I started to feel like a new person and I started praying for God to open doors where previous ones had closed, and to help me get through the rest of my pregnancy.
Maddox came October 1 and it was a great experience.  She was a healthy baby girl and she has been nothing but pure joy!   All the while I could see God working in my life for the good.  The baby blues came and went but all around me things were happening........good things that I never expected that only God could  have made happen.  Maybe 30 wasn't going to be so bad after all!   I started going to play groups and meeting other moms that were thinking and feeling the same things that I was.  Somehow I felt like I wasn't all alone anymore.
  After Christmas we were at McDonalds one day and I ran into a girl that I went to high school with and we were discussing what it was like having a third child and the toll it had taken on our bodies .  She shared with me that she had joined an exercise group at a church and that I needed to come.  Well it just so happened that the church was MY church.  I had heard about the class but had written it off thinking that it was for the older ladies in our church.  Little did I know that I would become a part of something really awesome!  I have met and bonded with some great women that are just like me.  God is so good and looking back I see that HE has done it all.  With HIS guidance I have carefully followed His plan and now I'm here. 
Fast forwarding to today I am now facing another "big giant" in my life.  When daddy was diagnaosed with melanoma last month it was hard.  It still is as I find myself trying to take control of the situation and make things what I want them to be.  No matter how hard I pull the reigns though, God is telling me that He's in control.  I know that.  I guess it's my personality to want to "fix" things.  I think we as moms earn that title when we first become mothers.  Our child is sick and we want to "fix" it.  All the while God is reminding me that He is the only one who can "fix" it.  I guess the parallel I'm trying to make is that as I reflect over the past year of being 30, LOTS of life changes have taken place, but God has literally "fixed" them all.  I just need help reminding myself that He will "fix" daddy's cancer too.  In His own timing.  I am praying that His will be done and He gets all the glory. 
As I approach May 16th, I'm looking quite forward to turning 31!  I know good things are in store.  Looking back I can't say 30 has been a "bad" year as I said previously.   It's been a year of ups and downs.  But just like Third Day sings it so well in their song, "You must go through the valley to stand upon the mountain of God."